13 Comments
User's avatar
From Tender Ground's avatar

Rock cries joy not grief

Pours of pleasure plunge below

Casts her rainbow slow

FTG🧡

The Haiku Garden's avatar

Cheers for alliteration!

Fazli Sameer's avatar

Crashing down the cliff,

Raging torrents roar and scream,

Seeking ocean depths.

Alex Bassett's avatar

Beautiful! Interesting to see your editing process too and the difference a single word makes. I love writing haikus too:

End of the rainbow–

heavy mountain river falls,

wearing down the rocks

Laura Coleman's avatar

Thanks for sharing your edit process, loved how it landed. Here are two versions (the last felt stonger to me)- open to input. 🙏🏼

Each drop becomes one

A force that leaves you breathless

Plummeting in grace

💦💦💦💦💦💦💦

Pouring and crashing

A force that leaves you breathless

Each drop becomes one

The Haiku Garden's avatar

I like the second one best. Starts with more action.

XXX's avatar

The lake is calm now

Hiding its fury below

A north breeze begins

…………………………………

A north breeze begins

A challenge to the lakes peace

The ripples begin

Liz Tooke's avatar

Beautiful photo ❤️

Bill Ferguson 🇨🇦's avatar

Misty rainbows fly

Moving water plunges down

Easing worried minds

*

Misty rainbows drift

Above fast flowing waters

As minds feel some ease

*

Misty rainbows drift

Above fast flowing waters

Dropping to the sea

*

Misty rainbows drift

Above fast flowing waters

Plunging to the sea

I Resist's avatar

My memoir instructor from some time ago said, “the writing is easy, it’s the editing that’s hard.” I sometimes agree with that and sometimes don’t in the sense that some of my best pieces flowed forth and required only light editing. Others required so much editing and didn’t get better so I circular filed them and started over. For me, it seems to depend a lot on how long the idea has been germinating and simmering and whether it comes out “in the flow” or more like a difficult birth. I think poetry, especially Haiku, is tricky because you are trying to maximize the impression and feeling with very few words, and that is a good challenge! Thank you for your step process editing example!

The Haiku Garden's avatar

I agree that sometimes it’s hard… or, in my case, it’s more like it SEEMS hard. I’ll whine and think “Man… just can’t make it work!” and then I realize I’ve spent MAYBE 15 minutes or less on it. It’s good to keep a realistic perspective. Haiku on!

Jessica Williams's avatar

Deep in the valley

High on the green mountain ridge

Waterfall pours down

-jcw

Esther Zirkzee's avatar

Continuous flow

From watershed to basin;

Trusting the journey