#169

Editing Demonstration

When writing anything, it’s good to reread, savor it, read it aloud, and even let it sit for a while if you have time. Sometimes a dashed off haiku is fine, but maybe it could be even better with a little thought. Here’s an example of my editing process on #169 about a waterfall.

First draft:

just falling water

gravity lends it beauty

prism multitude

Analysis: It’s not bad. The first idea I had was about the simplicity of falling water becoming beautiful. I dropped that for the more picturesque “cascading.”

Second draft:

cascading water

gravity lends it beauty

prism multitude

Analysis: OK, what else would help? If I left it alone, no one would care. But after pondering, I liked the alliteration added to line 2.

Third draft:

cascading water

gravity gives it beauty

prism multitude

Analysis: Then I reviewed line 3 and tested a few words. I liked “prism multitude,” but decided to use the word “rainbow” instead. A matter of taste, that’s all.

Fourth draft:

cascading water

gravity gives it beauty

rainbow finishes

Analysis: I let it sit for a while, and when I returned to it, I thought “a rainbow finish” wrapped it up better.

Final:

cascading water

gravity gives it beauty

a rainbow finish

photo by Alex Kane

I don’t consider any of the above edits drastic. Some writing needs to be changed because the grammar is bad or a word is used incorrectly. In this case, everything was about what sounded better to me or made me picture something differently in my mind. Undoubtedly, you might’ve made other decisions and might think of other improvements right now! It’s all about being happy with the outcome.

Anyway, I hope reading this process will lead you to some editing of your own writing. Even the humble haiku can benefit from extra thought.

By the way, that photo is of Haifoss waterfall in Iceland. Beautiful!

---

Write a waterfall haiku. If you feel like it, show more than one draft so we can see your thinking process. Share in a comment.

---

                                                           With a subscription,
                                                      haiku go straight to email.
                                                           Great poetry source!