#120

A Haiku Evolution: The Process

frilly singly viewed

flaming red sea together

true poppy pleasure

photos by Martin Köbsch

Here’s something a little different. Today I’m writing about the thinking process that created Haiku #120. I’ve always been interested in hearing how a writer came up with a “final” product, so I’m hoping this won’t bore you.

For me, sometimes a haiku (or any poem) will come quickly, and other times it will take longer. Or maybe it’s that sometimes I’m more willing to consider other ideas and put in the effort.

I usually enjoy the editing process, especially in prose work. Years ago I wrote a weekly column for a newspaper and, unlike the pain expressed by lots of writers, I liked paring things down. It was very satisfying to edit a sentence and say the same thing in fewer and/or better words. “Prettiness” was not the object.

A poem is different. I could probably go back and tweak almost any poem I’ve written. Would they improve? Maybe. Oh, ok, probably. But, as with painting, sometimes you just have to stop. As with this intro… let’s get on with the process.

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First draft:

frilly seen alone

sea of red viewed together

yes, poppy pleasure

This is an acceptable haiku. Nothing wrong with it, really. I purposely used a different word for “seen” in line 2, but the repetition and alliteration of “sea of red seen together” is attractive in its own way. (there’s assonance there, too!) Eh, trade offs. It could have been published this way, but I decided to fiddle with it, to see if it could be improved.

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Second draft:

frilly viewed alone

sea of crimson together

yes, poppy pleasure

Line 1: Since I decided to change line 2, I moved “viewed” to the first line, because I liked the sound better.

Line 2: I also liked the sound of the word “crimson” rather than plain old “red.”

Line 3: I still like it, at this point. “Poppy pleasure” makes me smile.

I should tell you that I experimented quite a bit between drafts. It would be impossible to write out all the thoughts that go through my mind while writing. Besides, how often could a reader stand to see, “Maybe THIS… wait, no, maybe THIS…”

All this is to tell you that it’s longer than “Draft one… think… draft two… think… final draft, yay!” If only.

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Final draft

frilly singly viewed

flaming red sea together

true poppy pleasure

Line 1: fell into place after trying out some other options. It felt nice, reading it out loud. It’s good to consider different word orders, rather than just pull out and plug in single words.

Line 2: “Crimson” was really an incorrect description of the particular hue of red in the images, though I was sorry; I love the word. “Flaming red sea” works better than either “sea of red” or “sea of crimson”, in my opinion. Note to self: use the phrase “sea of crimson” or “crimson sea” some other time!

Line 3: After trying other one syllable starts (I was keeping “poppy pleasure”, for sure), I settled on “true” as being powerful than “yes.”

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Simple, right? Mm-hmm.

Well, actually, it sorta is. What I mean is, it’s not painful. One reason I like creating haiku is the brevity. Probably, if I was in the middle of a novel and thought, “That whole character needs replacing” it would hurt more.

A word on tools: I make frequent use of Thesaurus.com for tons of stuff. (Weirdly, the site did not do well with “stuff.” Turns out, “things” was the only viable option.) If I’m rhyming, I often consult Rhymezone.com. Perhaps there are some people who would call it cheating. Pfft. These are sources of inspiration and you should feel free to use them.

Well, whaddaya think? Want other process posts now and then? Comment. Disagree with any of my decisions? Share. Have other questions? Ask.

And between thoughts, write a poppy haiku and share it in a comment.

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